83 posts tagged “moods”

i have been trying to hard to stay afloat i kinda forgot how to breathe.i dont know how to relax anymore. and i have stopped bothering about it. the shoulder stiffness is something i live with, my indigestion is a condition im used to,and i have even stopped being vain.

i spend whatever free time i have fretting, being with falah, fighting with falah or shopping with my parents. i dont remember how i used to hangout with my best friends... and i think they have gotten used to not having me around.

tomorrow's gonna be another day at work.. 8 more days till im done with this team.

i cant wait.

i always need a hand to hold, im thankful i found it. i found the hand that holds mine and gives me comfort, the hug that makes me feel safe and forget everything for a moment, and the kiss that leaves me breathless.

i promise to try to be happy.

i've just realise that happiness, just like anything else needs to be worked for.

wanted to put a pic up but as i couldnt find an appropriate one.

we should really take more pics sayang.

im on call again tomorrow

went out for ice cream with limun and falah.

on the way home i turned into the wrong row.

my mind was too preoccupied.

i think i need a break :(

im losing myself to work.

i see some bleak days ahead..expecting about 9 on-calls in april.

sigh

havent been feeling so good the past week.

the moments of joy were fleeting.

the anxiety of what to come resides deep in my heart

in btw all that

i feel relieved to have a few hours of really good sleep.

i need to drink

in fact i think i need to binge drink

and probably get drunk

cant remember how it feels to be happily silly

i could do so much more if only you allow me to. i wish im selfless enough to persist even though u said u'll rather i dont. but i really am too proud.

to proud to let go

to proud to go on.

i worry about what i foresee, i feel disappointed by what you said to me.

in the midst of all this chaos, you are my comfort.

but soon enough, you might also be the reason for my tears.

i dont know if i should walk away from you.

in a lame attempt at protecting my own heart, i break another..

i scrolled back to read my recent entries (oh i know,who the hell does that-) and i realised that im losing myself, consumed by my WORK :(

it's all been whining, semi depressing entries, more whining.. and some random drunken entries.

i dont know how i've been feeling these days. my feelings of joy are relative.. no longer the pure unadulterated versions i so used to enjoy. i feel old, im paranoid that im starting to look older..

im confused and undecided.

i bought alot of things recently, mostly i dont need..all superflous but i guess retail therapy helps. maybe for a few short hours after acquiring it, and again for the few mins when i use them

im kinda losing my knack for googling. wanted to find some quotes but i couldnt.

im gonna read my favourite poem from ee.cummings again..

and hopefully fall asleep with a smile on my face.

im on call tomorrow ... geez.

ps : is *this* love?

the Peads dept in our hosp must be really something.

today the second house officer went for Psy consult.

2 out of 12 of us are so stressed that they needed a Psychiatric consult.

at one point i was almost there too..

WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO US :(

i hope she doesnt decide to quit, it's such a waste to study 6 years and to give up like that.

i was on call last night. it was pretty uneventful..and i even got to sleep a bit. the thing is..i fell sick. had a really bad sore throat starting in the evening (made me lose my appetite) and then by night time i was already feverish. this morning the fever came full blown.. and also the headache and the joint pain. no choice had to take the mc to come home.

went to the clinic at downstairs at the hosp i work at, and was told that i couldnt go to the staff clinic because of some admin/registratration thing and i had to wait with the rest of the crowd for the general clinic. *sigh* luckily only waited for an hr fr the moment i registered till i got my meds.

dad picked me up around 10am, came home n slept all the way till 5pm. im feeling abit better now, the headache's gone, sore throat lessen but there's like a thick fog in my head. im woozy :(

going to work tomorrow

sigh.

i had a really bad day yesterday.

so bad i cried in front of the specialist

and then again in front of my consultant :(

the shoulder shaking, breathlessly sobbing kinda cry.

:(

tomorrow im on call again. missing out the free flow event tonight, and that's not even upsetting me.im hoping that i'll be able to go to bed by 8pm tonight.

thursday night i was on call and it was pretty okay, but friday (yesterday) post call i was alone because D* the other HO from my ward took mc. it was horrible because i was so fucking tired and yet i was alone to do everthing. plus im not familiar with alot of things and i was already feeling like shit thinking that there is no end to this every single day i'll have to go back to the hosp, even saturdays and sundays.

today D* took over the morning rounds because she was on call last night (even tho on mc) so i had a break and i didnt have to go. thank God because this little break does wonders to my mind.i know im on call again tomorrow but at least this morning i didnt have to wake up so early, i could catch up abit on lost sleep.

hopefully for the next few weekends we can rotate this way so i get some days off.

i dunno how much longer i can take this..

im so unmotivated :(

i've only rested/slept for 45 mins in the last 36 hours.

im going crazyyyyyy

did my first 'on call' last night.i dont know how im going to be able to do it few times a week regularly *cries*